She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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