Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Drunk is not a location!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
