if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
