I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He felt like a one man threesome
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
