My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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