I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
