you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
