she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
