i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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