she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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