Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
