That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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