you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
