Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
