Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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