No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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