Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We need to get me chipped asap
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
