Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
