Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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