Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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