the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
