Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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