I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
