:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
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this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
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Boobs are out for the taking
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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