Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
