whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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