Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
