Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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