I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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