i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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