dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
