Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
