I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize