so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
