I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
