Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Can vaginas get frostbite?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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