It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
