I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
