There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
