First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
People in love make me want to vomit
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
