i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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