you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
