if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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