Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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