She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
