Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
