you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
