you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
