can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
