Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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