She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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