I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
