im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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