I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
