Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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