Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
