I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
