he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
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Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
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We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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