It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
