I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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