I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
