Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
