My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
