eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
