Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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