yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
