am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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