I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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