if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
