i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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