I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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