You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize