She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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