Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
17 year olds will be the death of me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This is my gift to your gina
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
