I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
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I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
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Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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